We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. It is important to get the truth about the reason he disappeared and then decide what to do from there.
This kind of situation can be very frustrating, especially when you reach out and get no response. It might not be about you. He might not be ready. Maybe he is still involved with someone else.
Maybe he is conflict avoidant and he does not want to hurt your feelings by being honest about the way he feels. Often, men who disappear and come back are juggling more than one relationship at a time. What was the reason he gave for disappearing? What kept him from communicating what was happening in his life? Even if you are just dating, it is a courtesy to let someone know that you are not interested or communicate that you will be unavailable for a while.
If his personality is such that he is just unreliable, you might want to save yourself the heartache. If he is habitually flaky and this is part of his personality, hang on for the ride because if it annoys you now, it will definitely annoy you later in the relationship. If he has always been like this, it is doubtful he will change. It is difficult and stressful to deal with an unreliable guy. If you are willing to continue the relationship and
What to do when he reappears after disappearing whether this behavior is part of his personality or situational, you will need patience.
If he is conflict avoidant and wants to spare himself an uncomfortable situation, he might flake out hoping that you get the hint. If this is his communication style, it will be a frustrating relationship.
Disappearing and coming back is a way for men to play the field and date more than one woman at a time. Then they decide which woman to continue dating.
Ask yourself what your threshold for this kind of behavior is? If something tragic happened like illness or a death in the family, maybe you can move on and it will never happen again. If the reason he gives you leaves you confused or uncertain, then you might re-evaluate whether you should continue spending time with him. Ask yourself if this relationship is really what you want and if it will be healthy for you to continue.
This means that he does not respect you or your time. If this is the effort he puts into developing the relationship, then this is a good indicator of the effort he will put into the relationship in the future. There are times when a man can seem like a real catch, but if it is too much work to be with him, then you might want to reconsider how good a catch he might really be.
He might even be doing you a favor by behaving like this early on "What to do when he reappears after disappearing" that you can evaluate whether the relationship is worth continuing. He might be in a situation where he is a co-parent and still dealing with his ex. Maybe he is just not at a place where he is able to commit but he is still interested. His life might be in flux and he has other things going on that makes him unable to follow-through.
Bring up his behavior and observe how he responds. Listen to what he is really saying. How does he address your concerns about his unreliability? Does he acknowledge his behavior and make an effort to work on it?
Does he take responsibility and show you through his actions that he is working on it? If he holds himself accountable, then give him credit for that and determine if you want to give him another chance. If he blows you off and dismisses your concerns, this is huge red flag.
If he is telling you what you want to hear, but is not following through with actions, it is time to move on. If he is disappearing and coming back because he is using you to fill in time that he is not with other women, leave now.
If he is not interested, it is best to cut your losses and move on. If he behaves like this now, it will only get worse until you get the hint and stop coming around. In this case he might not be able be direct and simply tell you that he is not interested and so he flakes out to avoid having to tell you to your face.
He might be stringing you along because he needs someone to fall back on when he is not dating someone What to do when he reappears after disappearing. If you stop coming around and he attempts to reconnect with you every time he flakes out, you need to set limits. There is only so much you should tolerate and then it is time to move on.
If he is narcissistic, he might play with you because he likes the attention but has no real interest in committing to a relationship. It is a waste of time and energy.
When do you call it a day? Being honest about the relationship is the best place to start. Ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship. Ask yourself what keeps you in the cycle of letting him come back only so that he can disappear again and disappoint you. If this is a pattern in your life, explore what keeps you stuck in this pattern. Talk to a therapist and work on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Learn to trust your judgment and value yourself. Settling and allowing this kind of behavior in your relationship at the start predicts what you will get from him in the future. You thought that everything was going well. Perhaps you were dating a month or even longer. Then suddenly, he stops contacting you and disappears. There were signs that you either did not see, did not want to see or ignored.
Most likely, contact began to dwindle, you saw less of him and there was a delay in answering your attempts to get in touch. Now he has returned, and he wants to get together. Perhaps you have been pining away and heart sick since he left, you are so excited that he contacted you and want to give him a chance.
Even more difficult, you finally decided to move on when he suddenly contacts you and you feel conflicted. Or, maybe you are already What to do when he reappears after disappearing that this kind of treatment of you is just not okay with you. Do not rush to respond to his text before you consider some important facts and strategies.
Yes, he may have had a difficult childhood, unresolved trauma from a past relationship or a difficult period of stress in his life. The reasons may all be valid, but you still deserve to be communicated with and treated with respect. Communicate kindly and see what he has to say. Ideally, he will bring up his disappearance act and make an apology. Perhaps he says all the right things and you are willing to give it a try. If he does not, makes excuses or seems to act indifferent this could be a waste of your time.
If you allow the behavior without confronting it, the behavior will most likely happen again. Be assertive and What to do when he reappears after disappearing from "What to do when he reappears after disappearing" experience regardless of what you decide.
There are probably as many reasons this may occur as there are couples. No doubt it can leave a woman wounded and hesitant to keep her heart open when someone she cares about abruptly disappears without an explanation. Needless to say, it is inconsiderate, hurtful and often cowardly behavior. So what do you do if he comes back?
Do you want to risk it again? Can you trust and respect a person who disappeared without an explanation? It may be tempting to take him back simply because it soothes your wounded ego to know he returned. However, beware of blindly dating him without some serious consideration. It takes three basic things to help a relationship lift off the ground: Honestly ask yourself how much of these three things you have with this person.
Chemistry is either there or not. It is hard, if not impossible, to generate chemistry if it is not there although it can take some time to develop and deepen. Compatibility is a bit more fluid and workable. In the long run, there has to be a good match here for a relationship to last. Ask yourself if you truly enjoy talking with this person.
Do you feel seen, heard, respected and appreciated when you communicate? Or is it a strain to feel understood and have your opinion valued. Share how you felt when it happened.
This can be done in a non-shaming and non-blaming way. Ask if he would share why he did what he did so you can understand. Let
What to do when he reappears after disappearing know that if this is his pattern, you are not interested in another round of that.
Ask to be treated with more respect and courtesy. Make an agreement that if either of you feels like things are not working, and one of you needs to move on, you will kindly communicate to the other person how you are feeling. Depending on the results of the previous two steps—assessing your level of connection and discussing what happened, be wary of your next steps.
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